First, let me say that this recipe is not a quick way to put dinner on the table, but in terms of actual time you have to do any actual thing, it will only involve your human labor for about 15 minutes. Meets my patient-yet-lazy standards!

If you only have a slow cooker and not a pressure cooker, you can still make this dish. You are just going to have to cook your lentils on the stove and substitute canned beans.

And we've tagged this recipe #frugal because it gives instructions for shredding cheese which, depending on where you live, might save you 1/2 the cost of pre-shredded cheese (though not if you live anywhere with a WalMart).

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Ingredients

• 6 c water, divided
• 3 tsp salt, divided
• pepper to taste
  
  
• ½ c dried pinto beans [substitute: 1 can cooked pinto beans]
• 1/3 c dry lentils
  
  
• 1 garlic clove [substitute: 1 teaspoon minced garlic]
• 1 yellow onion
  
  
• 1 28-oz can diced tomatoes, drained
• 1½ tsp chili powder
• ½ tsp smoked paprika
• 2 c elbow macaroni
  
  
• 16 oz sharp cheddar cheese [substitute: 4 cups grated cheddar cheese]
• 2 c milk
• 6 tbsp all-purpose flour
• 4 tbsp butter

Materials

• Instant Pot or slow cooker
• food processor or box grater
• knife and cutting board
• freezer space
• measuring cups and spoons
• onion dicer, optional
• garlic press, optional
• fine-mesh strainer
• microwave-safe mixing bowl
• stirring implement
• microwave
• fork or whisk

First Things First: The Beans

I promise we’ll get to the beans. I promise.

Take your cheddar cheese (16 oz) and butter (4 tbsp) and toss it into the freezer. If you are like me and are planning to use your food processor to grate them, cut them into food-delivery-spout size chunks before putting them in the freezer. Ta ta for now, dairy!

While your dairy is freezing, we are now going to make up those pinto beans. Give them a quick rinse just to get the yuck off.

Turn to your Instant Pot and put your dried pinto beans (1/2 c), salt (1 tsp) and water (2 c) right on in. Close and lock the lid and set the vent to SEAL. Cook on HIGH PRESSURE for 30 minutes. You are going to allow the pot to NATURAL RELEASE when it is done; open the pot after the pin has dropped on its own. Total time to ignore your Instant Pot at this stage: 1 hour and 5 minutes.

Why natural release? Beans get frothy when they are quick released and the froth clogs the vents which in turn makes Instant Pot owners sad.

Second Things Second: The Lentils

Lentil time! Give those lentils (1/3 c) a quick rinse and pick them over for stones and other non-food debris. Now toss them in to your pressure cooker with the par-cooked pinto beans being already in there and the extra liquid just floating around.

Close the lid and set the vent to SEAL. Cook on HIGH PRESSURE for 15 mins, and once again allow the pot to NATURAL RELEASE when it is done. Total time to ignore your Instant Pot at this stage: 55 minutes.

While the lentils are cooking, take that cheddar cheese (16 oz) and butter (4 tbsp) out of the freezer and grate them. They are going into the same place so you can grate them together in the same bowl. Now we set that aside for later.

So why did you freeze your dairy? Because frozen dairy grates much more easily than room temperature. And now you know the trick of why attempting to grate cheese has failed you so many times in the past that you paid 2x the price for pre-grated. Now you will never need to again!

This is also the time when you are going to dice the yellow onion (1), and smash/mush/crush/press/mince/pulverize the clove of garlic (1).

After the end of the Instant Pot natural release, strain the beans-and-lentil mixture free of its liquid.

IF YOU ARE ME then you are doing this step ahead of time on a separate day, so then you will be pleased to know that you can go ahead and freeze/refrigerate all of the above listed ingredients.

Third Things Third: Low Pressure Slow Cooking of all the Things

To the now strained mixture of beans and lentils in the pot, you are going to add the onion (1, diced), garlic (1 clove, smooshed), diced tomatoes (28 oz), smoked paprika (½ tsp), chili powder (1½ tsp), salt (1 tsp), and water (4 c).

Put the Instant Pot lid on and turn it to VENT. Set the pressure to LOW and choose to SLOW COOK on high heat. We are going to slow cook this hot mass of delicious chili for 3½ hours. Total time to ignore your Instant Pot at this stage: 3 hours and 30 minutes.

Fourth Things Fourth: Mac and Cheese

Three and a half hours later, open up the lid of your Instant Pot and toss in the elbow macaroni (2 c).

Put the lid right back on and keep it SLOW COOKing for another 20 minutes. Total time to ignore your Instant Pot at this stage: 20 minutes.

While this is going down, it is time to make the cheese sauce.

In a microwave-safe bowl, combine milk (2 c), flour (6 tbsp), salt (1 tsp), and pepper (to taste). Stir until smooth. To that smooth mixture, now add the butter (4 tbsp, grated) and cheese (16 oz, grated) cacophony that you made back in step 2.

Microwave this fat, carby, salty “soup” for 10 minutes, stopping halfway through (5 minute mark) to stir it with a fork or a whisk until smooth. When done, once again fork/whisk it until smooth. Your mother sauce is made, and you didn’t even have to go to French cooking school.

Fifth Things Fifth: Mac WITH Cheese

Open up that slow cooker your Instant Pot has become and pour in the cheese sauce and stir well.

Now stuff your face. You’ve earned it!

Notes

In the event that you do not have access to a microwave but somehow have access to the stove top, the cheddar cheese sauce can be made on the stove top. Start by making the roux with flour and butter. Then add the cheese and milk.

Bibliography. Connoisseurus Veg’s vegan chili mac and cheese which is written for the crock pot. I un-veganized it using Bev's Mac and Cheese microwave recipe and then frugalized it using a recipe for Instant Pot Pinto Beans (No Pre-Soaking) to make it something all its own. Visit any of those recipes to see them in their individual and original glory in case you want to make something different than can be found, here.

Update

We have come to learn that the wonderful vegan crockpot chili mac and cheese recipe from the bibliography is no longer freely available on the initially linked website but is part of a published cookbook which is nonetheless freely available on the internet, still. Page 85.

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